Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
