sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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