I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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