I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
