So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I will pee on everything he values.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
