On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
