He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
