I showed him my bush... on skype.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I AM VODKA MAN
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
