I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
