Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
