A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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