He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
