ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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