it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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