You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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