I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
