Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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