im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
