my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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