What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
