Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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