I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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