he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
