I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
