No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize