Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
