I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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