We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is Oprah even human
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
