so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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