Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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