why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
