Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
