I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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