I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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