Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
