Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
