she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
