her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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