I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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