I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
