My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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