Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
