Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
