You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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