we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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