Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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