So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
