just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
please come you make the beer taste better
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
