My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
