He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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