You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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