Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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