dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
