Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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