Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
